


of healing wounds and growing hearts

by kihovely



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, First Dates, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Slice of Life, Switching, and has a tiny daughter, hoseok is a kindergarten teacher, ki is a widower, single father ki, there's a healing process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihovely/pseuds/kihovely
Summary: Life is a bitch sometimes, but you can’t get stuck. Over time, you learn how to move on, how to keep going. Some wounds don’t heal. Some do. And you learn how to love again.





	of healing wounds and growing hearts

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i finally finished this story! people who know me know it's a little personal too but I had fun writing it and I hope it turned decent enough! thank you for reading and please let me know what you think❤️

Kihyun heaves a sigh as his daughter throws her bright pink bag to the floor, crossing her arms as she mumbles something between ‘’sleep’’ and ‘bad dad.”

He’s only slept 4 hours and his hands are sweaty from tiredness and anxiety. Minah, his daughter, has been crying since he woke her up and his head has been hurting non-stop. Usually, she would sleep until 9 a.m, drink her cup of milk and eat her cereals, and watch the TV or play with some of her toys. Kihyun got a reduction on his job to take care of her but, even though his parents helped, the money was still a problem, and he couldn’t go on any longer. The day he went back to his full-shift job was the day she also started kindergarten.

However, being awaken 2 hours earlier than usual hadn’t sit down well on her. He ruffles her hair, the soft, dark strands of her short hair dishevelled and she pouts again at him.

“C’mon, Minah.” He says, picking her up in his arms. Even though she’s sulking and teary, she places her little arms around Kihyun’s neck and hugs him.

Kihyun shakes her lightly, chuckling softly, because he knows she’s about to fall asleep in his arms.

Gently, he sits her on her baby feeding chair, putting her glass of milk and cereals with fruit on it. She looks at him with another pout on her face, her eyebrows knit together and her nose scrunched. A little sob erupts from her throat and Kihyun pats her head.

“This is hard for me too, princess. We’ve never been apart for more than a couple of hours these past years, I don’t know how I am going to manage.” He laughs when she munches sadly on the apple slices, her eyes closing as she falls asleep.

“Dad, I want to sleep.” She says, wrapping her tiny fingers around the glass to drink the milk.

“Me too, baby.” He picks her up again in his arms once she’s finished eating, putting the glass inside the cereal bowl where the apple were to take it to the kitchen. “But you’re going to make friends today!”

“I don’t want friends, I want sleep.” She replies, fixing her clothes when Kihyun brings her back to the floor.

Kihyun would like to record her and show it to her when she’s 20, because she most likely will think the same.

“Let’s go, Minnie. Stop fixing your hair, you’re always pretty!”

“I know.” She says, picking the bag she threw earlier to the floor during her morning tantrum. “Dad is pretty too.”

“Well, thank you.” Kihyun grabs his car keys and holds Minah’s tiny hand with the other as they make their way into the lift, down to the garage.

Minah falls asleep on her seat even before Kihyun has left the garage.

With another heavy sigh, he turns on the radio, changing stations until he finds his favourite and hums along the first rock song that stars playing, soft enough not to wake up Minah.

He checks on her from time to time on the rear-view mirror, just to make sure she’s alright. His heart feels heavy everytime he looks at her; she looks just like her mother, only that with more baby fat and round cheeks, and Kihyun is sure she will be her when she grows old. It’s a mixed feeling, because it reminds him of her, of all the what ifs and what nots, of all the moments they spent together, and their last ones too. Kihyun loved Minah more than anything in the world, and even though it’s kind of stupid, he doesn’t want to park and leave her at the kindergarten, because it would mean they would be apart for too many hours from now on and he wanted to enjoy her the most he could now, before she would grow older and more unapproachable.

Massaging the bridge of his nose, Kihyun opens the back door of his car and lightly shakes Minah’s shoulder, trying to wake her up.

When she opens her eyes and sees him, all dressed up and with the car door opened, her lower lip tremble and she starts crying.

“I don’t want to go, daddy!” she bawls, kicking her legs when Kihyun tries to undo her seatbelt and pick her in his arms.

“C’mon Minnie. I know you want to sleep but you’re going to learn a lot! And make many friends.”

She complains again about not wanting friends or to learn on the way inside the kindergarten, and Kihyun pats her lower back softly, trying to reassure her. He can feel the tears in his eyes too.

There are a few stairs to get inside the building and Kihyun places her back on the floor once they’re inside, struggling when she tries to hold onto him with the little strength she has on her body.

There are many kids already gathered inside, some look older and already used to it, while the new ones are all crying and trying to climb into their parents’ arm. Most kids are accompanied by both, their mother and father on their first day, and Kihyun’s heart feels heavy again. She’s only got him (and her grandparents) but he would make sure she never lacks anything. He would take care of her and raise her alone, but she would never feel alone herself.

He spots what seem to be the teachers at the end of the hall and they look terribly stressed dividing the kids into groups and talking to the parents at the same time. He approaches the first one, a girl with light-brown hair and big eyes.

“Good morning.” He says, his hand still around Minah’s. “My daughter is starting her first year in this kindergarten today, but we have no idea where to go.”

“Good morning!” she replies, brightly. There are dark circles under her eyes but she seems genuinely excited about all of this. “I am Sunyoung, the teacher of the 5 years-old kids! And this is Hyunwoo, he’s in charge of the 4 years-old ones. For your daughter there’s teacher Hoseok, but he’s still inside preparing some things! He will be here in a few minutes.”

Kihyun mutters a thank you and nods his head, taking Minah into his arms again while he waits for the teacher to come. There are still a good 10 minutes before 9, so he’s not precisely late.

There are a few things Kihyun notices when Minah’s new teacher, Hoseok had the girl said, appears through the door. First, he surely visits the gym for a good amount of hours after school. Second, he’s got the prettiest smile Kihyun has ever seen. Third, well, he’s very handsome. He’s glad his daughter is only 3 years-old or he would be jealous if she found someone more handsome than his dad so soon.

“That’s your teacher, Minnie.” He says, approaching him. His smile is even brighter up close. “Hello…Hoseok-nim, this is my daughter Minah, I was told by the other teacher you would be hers this year.”

Hoseok nods his head and stretches his arms to take Minah in them. Kihyun chuckles when she stops crying and snuggles against his chest. He must be really comfy.

“She’s going to fall asleep on you.” Kihyun laughs, brushing her hair off her forehead.

“She’s the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. And very pretty.” Hoseok laughs softly too, swinging her on his arms so she wouldn’t fall asleep.

Soon, there are many more kids surrounding them, accompanied by their parents, and Hoseok drops on Minah on the floor to gather them together and bring them inside the class.

“Goodbye Minnie.” Kihyun says, smooching her forehead. Minah nods and pecks his cheek too, before following the handsome teacher (words she had whispered to Kihyun a few minutes before) into the class.

Kihyun watches her disappear inside the corridor and into the class and waves goodbye to both, she and Hoseok, who waves back and tells him not to worry before closing the door.

Kihyun worries anyways, but at least it looked like his daughter would be in good hands.

 

*****

Time at the office passes by the slowest for Kihyun after not doing full-shifts for a couple of years; he’s got unaccustomed to it. He keeps stealing glances at his phone, as if he would receive a call from the school or even his parents, worried about Minah to the core.

He’s pretty much sure she’s doing just fine, learning to write the alphabet and colouring different drawings, making friends and listening to the ‘’handsome’’ teacher, but he’s been a worried dad since the nurses placed her tiny, tiny body on his arms after she was born and was told a few hours later his wife’s condition had gotten worse, and she most likely wouldn’t live much longer. He’s been a worried dad since she left the incubator and he brought her home alone, wrapped in a soft-pink blanket and slept in between him and a bunch of cushions that took his wife’s place.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose and using his index to re-adjust his glasses, Kihyun focuses once again on the numbers on the computer in front of him, making sure everything is correct for the nth time before clicking ‘send’ and moving into yet another page of work. He had 3 left and then could go pick Minah from her class and go home to have lunch, take a nap and spend the rest of the afternoon playing together.

It sounded like a really nice plan.

When he finally manages to go through the three pages, revise them and send them, it’s almost time for him to be at the door of the school. Cursing internally, he shuts the computer and grabs his car keys, rushing towards the entrance to get into his car.

There are a few messages from his friends, Minhyuk and Changkyun, asking if he’s up for some weekend plan at one of their houses, and Kihyun wonders if they even realize most of the time he’s got a daughter to take care of.

Sure. He could ask his mother for a favour and let Minah stay at her house, and he has done that a few times already, but it’s not something he really enjoyed. He did when he was in college, or even after, but now he’s got other responsibilities and he rather be brushing his teeth next to Minah and going to sleep together. He has to enjoy it while he can, before she becomes a teenager that lies about sleeping over at a friend’s house to sneak into a party and get drunk. Kihyun did it too, back then.

The ride back to school is short; he manages to avoid any traffic jam and gets there just 10 minutes late, parking as fast as he can and practically running towards the entrance.

There’s no one in the hall, and with a lump on his throat Kihyun enters the corridor at the back, where the classes are. When he enters the one that says ‘’3 years old’’, a wave of relief washes through his body, which turns to pure endearment seconds after.

There, inside the class, there’s Minah, sitting on the floor and painting something on a paper in front of her. There are many different crayons on the table and whatever she’s drawing seems very colourful. He can even spot some coloured stains on her hands and cheeks while she has her eyebrows knit in concentration, lips pursed as if she’s drawing the Sistine Chapel.

But then, sitting next to her, there’s Hoseok, who has another crayon on his hand and sometimes helps Minah paint too, adding some colours here and there.

The pretty smile he had that morning had only widened, and Kihyun stares at him, mesmerized.

“Hey.” He says, knocking lightly on the door and entering the room. “Sorry I’m a little late.”

“Daddy!” Minah leaves the crayons on the table, quickly forgetting whatever she was drawing and jumps on his arm, making him slump backwards.

“Hello, baby girl.” He leaves a soft peck on her forehead, laughing softly when she hugs him tightly. “How was your day?”

“Good, but I missed you.” She replies, poking his cheek. “Teacher-nim is great.”

“I’m glad.” He turns around to look at Hoseok, who is stretching his legs and picking the things from the table. “I’m sorry I got here late, you should already be on your way home and had to stay longer.”

“Don’t worry.” Hoseok smiles at him. “I actually don’t mind, Minah is the sweetest kid ever, I love spending time with her.”

“She really is.” Kihyun pokes her cheek back when she gets shy, realizing they’re talking about her. “What were you drawing, Minnie?”

“Our family!” She replies, squirming in his embrace so that he would let her on the floor and show him.

Kihyun’s heart drops to the floor at those words.

“It’s you and me, daddy, but since I don’t have any mother I drew teacher-nim, because he is really nice and handsome.”

Kihyun stares at the drawing in front of him; there, in very messy lines and colours, there’s him, Minah and Hoseok, holding hands and smiling happily. He can’t help but laugh, surprised and moved, but there’s still that feeling behind his ribcage that suffocates him at times.

He, deep down, wishes he could give Minah a full family, too.

“Oh well, isn’t this the cutest thing ever?” he says, tickling Minah’s sides and folding the drawing to save it in his pocket.

“A very cute family indeed.” Hoseok adds, resting his waist on the desk. “See you tomorrow, Minah.”

“See you, teacher-nim!” she waves her tiny hands at him, holding Kihyun’s right after.

“See you tomorrow, Hoseok.” Kihyun waves him goodbye too. “And thank you once again.”

“There’s no need…”

“Kihyun. I’m Yoo Kihyun.” Kihyun realizes the teacher doesn’t know his name.

“There’s no need, Kihyun. Have a good day!”

Kihyun lets Minah drag him outside, being Hoseok’s pretty smile the last thing he sees before turning around.

Back at home, while Minah is already sitting on the table and waiting for her lunch, Kihyun changes his clothes into comfy ones and saves the drawing inside the first drawer of his night-stand.

 

*****

Everytime Kihyun arrives late from work to pick Minah from school, Hoseok stays with her. Kihyun would always get to school to find them drawing, reading some children book or even playing with toys. It looked so natural for Hoseok to be around kids that it pulled at Kihyun’s heartstrings.

It’s a few weeks later when his boss organizes a meeting after work at the very last moment and he’s run out of battery to send a text message to his mother to pick Minah from school.

Anxiety crawls inside his belly and he asks his boss to let him go earlier, that he needs to pick his daughter from school, but he dismisses his words with a movement of his hands and implies that if he leaves he’s fired.

As if he would fire Kihyun after working there for almost 6 years.

Kihyun stays.

The clock ticks on the wall as the minutes passes by, and by each second his stomach tightens more and his throat constricts. He only wishes Hoseok has stayed this time around too, even when he should have gone pick her up more than one hour ago.

When the meeting ends, Kihyun quickly rushes outside the office and towards his car, not even remembering a word about what was said in there, even when probably tomorrow he will need to do something related to it.

He couldn’t care less about it.

He starts the car as fast as his legs and hands allow him to and turns the wheel to get out of the parking and get on the road.

Of course, with his luck, there are at least 10 traffic lights that turn red for him and it takes him around half an hour to get to the school building.

He fears the door will be closed, but he pulls the doorknob and it opens. Relieved, he doesn’t even bother to close the door and walks straight into the 3 years-old classroom.

There is no one in there.

Feeling his heart almost on his throat, he turns on his heels and goes to the secretariat office, next to the hall. There’s an old lady in there, checking some papers.

“Good afternoon.” He says, trying to keep his voice steady and not show how anxious he actually is. If something had happened to Minah… “I was wondering if you know where teacher Hoseok is?”

“Hoseok? I saw him going to the canteen around an hour ago, but he hasn’t come back yet.” The lady replies, scrutinising him from behind her thick, pasta glasses. “It’s downstairs.” She adds, anticipating Kihyun’s next question.

“Thank you so much.” he nods and quickly proceeds to go downstairs, landing into yet another long corridor.

There are two doors at his right that he has no idea where they lead to, but surely not the canteen. Along the corridor there are toilets too, and finally what seemed to be what he is looking for.

He lets out a sigh of relief when he enters the room, the white light coming from the ceiling being almost uncomfortable for him to see. He feels as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off his shoulders.

“Oh god.” He says, approaching the table where Minah is finishing her strawberry petit-suisse very diligently.

Hoseok is sitting right next to her.

“Look at who’s back.” Hoseok jokes, looking at Kihyun when he sits in front of them. “We came here because it was already late and she was really hungry. I had no way of contacting you.”

“No, it’s okay.” Kihyun shakes his head, stretching his arm to caress his daughter’s cheek. “Something came up at work and I couldn’t leave. I also didn’t have any battery left to call my mother, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry dad, teacher-nim took care of me! He even let me eat two side dishes.”

“Shhh! We agreed you wouldn’t tell him!” Hoseok tickles her side when she makes an ‘’oops’’ face, finishing the rest of her dessert.

“She ate very well, she is really such a wonderful kid.” Hoseok pats her head lightly. “I ate too so don’t worry.”

“But still, you always stay extra hours just to be with her, and you don’t get paid for those. I feel like I should treat you to dinner or something for being so nice to us.” Kihyun scratches the back of his head, still not sure as to why he had said that.

“There’s no need, really. I love spending time with her. And I think she likes me back.”

Of course she likes you back, Kihyun wants to reply, but Minah has finished her dessert and she jumps into his arms instead, startling him.

He laughs softly while caressing her short hair and she squirms in his embrace, playfully.

“Let’s go pick your things and go home, Minnie.” He says, patting her legs so she gets on the floor and he can stand up.

Minah runs all the way into the classroom ahead of them, laughing and hooping like a tiny rabbit. His heart feels full whenever he looks at her.

“You know, I was curious as to why hasn’t her mom come pick her up when you can’t? Does she work extra hours too?” Hoseok asks on their way upstairs. Kihyun can see there’s no hint of maliciousness behind his words and he’s genuinely curious about it.

“Her mom passed away no long after she was born. It’s just me and her, even though my mother helps sometimes too, but she’s old and I don’t want to burden her.”

Hoseok’s mouth turns into an ‘o’ and Kihyun sees the regret in his face after having asked such question. It seemed that no matter what Hoseok did, everything looked endearing.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I just- I never thought-”

“It’s okay.” Kihyun smiles softly at him while they enter the door that leads to the corridor where the classes are. “But I surely do hope you do not curse in front of the kids.”

Hoseok makes a face – one that resembles a kid when they’re caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing, and Kihyun only smiles wider.

Minah has already collected her things and bag by the time they both enter the class and she quickly tugs at Kihyun’s shirt for him to pick her in his arms.

“You shouldn’t get too used to this, Minnie, soon enough you will be too big and daddy will end up with a broken back.”

“Teacher nim can pick me then!! He’s bigger than daddy.”

Kihyun scoffs, pinching her cheek. She’s right, though, Hoseok was ten times Kihyun’s size and looked like he could snap some necks, until he either opened his mouth or smiled, because then it was obvious he wouldn’t hurt a single fly.

“Yeah, I will need to call teacher-nim when you break all my bones from jumping on my arms like this.” Kihyun jokes, securing his arms around her waist. “Let’s go home, Minnie.”

She nods her head, waving her tiny hands at Hoseok.

“See you tomorrow, teacher-nim!”

“See you, Minah.” Hoseok pats her head with a big smile plastered on his face.

Kihyun looks at him.

“I meant what I said earlier, let me treat you to dinner for everything you’ve done for us. I really can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s okay, Kihyun, I really like your daughter and she’s adorable.” Hoseok shakes his head, but he’s still smiling. “But if you insist, then I shouldn’t reject.”

“Great, give me your number then so I can text you about the date and see if you’re available?”

“Sure.” Hoseok takes Kihyun’s phone and types his number on it. “Is it a date then?”

Kihyun chokes on his spit.

“A what?”

“I’m just joking!” Hoseok shakes his head, laughing. “Since you said _‘I can text you about the date’_. I was just messing with you.”

Kihyun doesn’t know why, but he’s feeling nervous.

He laughs it off and bids Hoseok goodbye until the next morning, carrying Minah to the car on his arms.

His hands are still sweaty when he sits on the driver seat and wraps his fingers around the wheel.

 

*****

**Kihyun**

Hello

**Hoseok**

Hello?

 

**Kihyun**

It’s me, Kihyun, Minah’s father.

**Hoseok**

Oh! Kihyun!

Hello ^^

**Kihyun**

I was wondering whether you’d be free this Saturday?

For that dinner we talked about *smiling emoji face*

**Hoseok**

Sure, this Saturday is just fine.

**Kihyun**

Meet us in Hongdae Street

At Hongik University station, number 7? At 8pm?

**Hoseok**

Great! I will be there ^^

Thanks once again, even though there’s no need

**Kihyun**

It’s okay, I really wanted to.

Minah is also really happy about it, she likes you a lot.

**Hoseok**

I like her a lot, too!

See you on Saturday, Kihyun *smiling emoji face*

**Kihyun**

See you!

 

Kihyun and Minah arrive ten minutes earlier at Hongik University Station and they both sit on a small bench in front of the subway station to wait.

Hoseok arrives just on time, his black-haired head popping out of the escalator, and Minah excitedly jumps off the bench, running towards him. He’s wearing jeans and a simple white t-shirt, but it looks really good on him. Kihyun is wearing more or less the same outfit, except that his shirt is dark-green and hangs loosely around his shoulders.

“Hello princess.” Hoseok leaves a short peck on her forehead and Minah stretches her arms for him to lift her up. “Uppie baby girl!”

Kihyun approaches them, feeling his lips stretching into a smile.

“Minnie you really need to stop asking people to lift you up. You’re heavy!”

Minah pouts and sticks her tongue at him while snuggling closer to Hoseok. Kihyun squints his eyes at her, playfully too, and walks side to side with Hoseok.

“Do you like dak-galbi, Hoseok-nim?” Kihyun asks, once they’ve entered the crowded streets of Hongdae.

“Please, just call me Hoseok.” He says, gesturing with his left hand. “There’s no need to be so formal when we’re going to dinner. How old are you though?”

“I am 30, turning 31 this November. What about you?”

Hoseok tilts his head to the side and Minah seizes that chance to snuggle closer. That tiny demon.

“I just turned 31 this March, so we are both same old.” Hoseok seems rather surprised at that; he probably expected Kihyun to be older. “You can call me hyung if you’re uncomfortable just calling me Hoseok.”

Kihyun thinks hyung is even worse, but he just nods in agreement.

“You didn’t tell me if you like the food, though. We need a place to go.”

“Dak-galbi? Is there anyone who doesn’t like it?” Hoseok jokes around, but he’s kind of right.

“Then let’s go to this place I know, I used to go there a lot when I was in college and it’s still open and really nice.”

Hoseok follows him into a restaurant in the basement of the building they enter. It’s full of people but there are a few tables free here and there, so Kihyun chooses the one at the back of the room and sits on the couch, with Minah next to him. Hoseok sits on the chair in front of them instead.

“Let’s order with rice and tteok?” Kihyun asks, eyeing the menu.

“I prefer the one with noodles, if that’s not too much to ask?” Hoseok looks at him with big doe-eyes and Kihyun is unable to say no. They’re unhealthier and usually doesn’t let Minah eat those (she will have enough time to overdose on noodles and ramyun when she becomes a stressed teenager, but he can save those little organs and skin a little longer), but just once wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“Sure. Let’s order cheese, sweet potatoes and full rice for the tteok. They’re Minah’s favourite.”

Hoseok nods in agreement and they wait for the waiter to bring the chicken, the tteok and the noodles and pour them into the grill on the table.

When the food is cooked and still warm, Kihyun puts some on Minah’s plate and she munches very diligently, filling her little stomach in a matter of seconds, while Kihyun and Hoseok have barely tasted a mere piece of the chicken.

“Dad, I want to go home.” She says, pulling at his shirt. “I’m tired.”

“You have to wait a little, Minnie. Hoseok and I are still eating.” Kihyun tries to give her another piece of chicken but she shakes her head and crosses her arms, sulking.

“I’m sleepy.” She half-screams, dragging the last words. Kihyun feels heat raising up his cheeks as people around them start giving them looks.

“Minnie, please. Behave or you will be grounded.”

That only makes the pout on her lips grow bigger and her scrunched nose become more noticeable.

Five minutes later, she decides she’s had enough and starts pulling at Kihyun’s shirt while screaming she wants to go home. There’s still half of the food on the table but Kihyun, embarrassed to the spinal cord, gets up from the couch and goes to pay, apologizing to the waiters for his daughter’s behaviour and asking if he can get the food in a Tupperware to take home.

Hoseok reassures him at least a hundred times on their way home that everything is okay, since Kihyun had insisted on dropping him at home him before going back to his own, but Minah cried some more on the car because she wanted to go home straight away and Kihyun just wanted to die.

“Hey, Kihyun, it’s okay, really. Let’s just go to your house and tuck her in bed and I will take a taxi from there, they’re cheap.”

With a heavy, exasperated sigh, Kihyun agrees and parks inside the garage of his building, carrying a very sleepy Minah on his arms on their way up to their apartment.

Kihyun remembers he hasn’t done the dishes and there’s probably his laundry on the living room when they walk through the door. He could very much take the floor opening and swallowing him hole so he can disappear.

“You have a very pretty apartment.” Hoseok says, lurking around a little while Kihyun enters his bedroom.

He and Minah sleep together, on two different beds, but hers is pressed against a built-in wardrobe and his so she wouldn’t fall.

“Go to sleep, you lil demon.” Kihyun takes off her clothes and stuffs her tiny body into her pyjama, but Hoseok has to hold her because she’s already asleep and wouldn’t stand still. “God, she’s a really nice kid but sometimes she just…”

Kihyun turns off the lights once she’s finally tucked in bed and he makes sure everything is alright, silently hoping she wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night. As a baby, she would most likely sleep all night, or wake up sobbing as a way to ask for her feeding bottle, but she would go to sleep right after, sometimes even while sucking on the bottle-nipple.

Hoseok follows him into the living room, sitting on the couch next to him when Kihyun slumps dead on it like an inflatable doll.

“I am exhausted.” Kihyun rubs his eyes, sitting on the couch instead of being all sprawled to look a little more presentable in front of his daughter’s teacher. “I love Minah wholeheartedly but raising her alone sometimes is really draining.”

“I can guess.” Hoseok rubs his own thighs, looking at Kihyun from the corner of his eyes. “I really don’t have anything to do after work in the mornings so it’s okay if you arrive a little late. Or a little more than a little, like the other day.”

Kihyun looks at him too.

“Don’t you have a wife to come home to? Or a girlfriend?” he asks, pursing his lips. It’s kind of mind-blowing to think someone like Hoseok is single.

“Nope, I’m single.” He shrugs. “But I have a cat, and she’s the most precious ever. She’s a calico, her name is Sana.”

“Oh.” Kihyun raises his eyebrow. “I know it will sound weird but you should take Minah one day to your house then. She loves animals, I’ve been thinking of adopting a puppy one of these days but it’s really hard due to my job schedules.”

“Cats are way more independent, so it’s great to have one. She’s a little bitchy at times, but absolutely adorable.”

Kihyun laughs softly, but then quickly stands up on his feet, remembering something.

“Oh! I left the leftover dalk-galbi at the kitchen, should we heat it up and eat? We didn’t finish half of it and I’m honestly still hungry.”

Hoseok seems to be extremely relieved to hear that; someone his size probably needs to eat for a whole football team.

Kihyun puts the Tupperware inside the microwave and sets some water to boil while cutting a few vegetables he’s got in the fridge to make extra ramyun, since Hoseok had mentioned earlier he liked it and what was on the Tupperware was most likely not enough. Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling when Kihyun pours the vegetables in the boiling water and adds the fried noodles with the powder it comes with.

“My stomach is growling.” He says, looking over Kihyun’s shoulders to see how the noodles are doing.

The sudden proximity and Hoseok’s scent – citrons and flowers – filling his nostrils make Kihyun’s whole body go tense, his hands sweating around the plastic utensil. He blames it on the steam coming from the pot.

“Would you mind taking the Tupperware out of the microwave and taking it to the dinning table? The ramyun is almost ready, too.”

Hoseok nods and disappears around the corner into the corridor and Kihyun lets out the air he didn’t know he was holding.

Back in the living room, they eat their food (basically Kihyun eats the left-overs and lets all the ramyun for Hoseok, since he seemed really happy about it), and the silence around them isn’t uncomfortable but Kihyun is nervous.

“You can stay here, there’s a spare room in there, if you want. It’s late and taking a taxi will take some time.”

No matter how much Kihyun insists, Hoseok refuses and declares solemnly he needs to go home, mostly because his cat has yet to dinner and she doesn’t like being alone for so long.

Kihyun waits next to Hoseok at the entrance of his building until the taxi arrives and insists on paying for it but Hoseok refuses once again.

“I’m a kindergarten teacher, not a homeless. We aren’t that poor.” He jokes, giving a slight punch to Kihyun’s shoulder. “See you on Monday at school, Kihyun.”

“See you, Hoseok!” Kihyun waves his hand at him and doesn’t realize the smile he’s got on his lips until he sees himself on the mirror when he goes to brush his teeth.

Oh, well.

 

*****

Kihyun’s hand lands on Hoseok’s shoulder while laughing at some lame, ridiculous joke he’s said first thing in the morning, and Minah looks at them dumbfounded from below, as if she couldn’t believe they were being that cheerful and loud so early.

Kihyun has found himself smiling more since he met Hoseok. The teacher and his genuine, outstanding smile was a breeze of fresh air into his life, and sometimes made things easier. Or at least feel as if they were; Kihyun’s shoulders would feel less tense and the sadness around his eyes disappeared momentarily.

Those moments were the only ones Kihyun could forget about everything else in his life, and maybe heal a little bit. Not everywhere, and most likely would never happen, but he could smile without feeling as if there were a thousand shards sinking in his heart and guilty washing over him. His lungs had freed themselves a tad of the pressure they were submitted to, somehow.

Hoseok’s eyes turn into crescents when he smiles, his nose scrunches and his lips curve upwards like a kitten, making Kihyun’s heart swell.

They, sometimes, meet after work too; Kihyun invites Hoseok over at their house to play with Minah’s and her toys, or they go to the cinema or to buy ice-cream. Hoseok even took Minah one day to his house when Kihyun had to stay over a little longer at work and showed her his cat. Minah came home with her eyes sparkling and begging him that they adopted a cat and Kihyun’s heart swelled even more when Hoseok showed the pictures he took of her and his cat on his phone.

Everything was too good to be true.

Or at least it was, until Kihyun is back inside his car, fingers wrapped around the wheel and he’s alone. There’s no smile directed at him or daughter calling for his attention and his wife’s favourite songs plays on the radio and he feels the tears rolling down his cheeks. He might be better at times, but he’s not there.

Not just yet.

With blurry vision, he steps on the clutch and starts his car, heading towards the office.

Another long, tired day awaits for him at the office and the thought of getting his eyes checked crosses his mind when his vision turns blurry even through the glasses he’s already using. Working long hours in front of a computer had all the disadvantages and he reconsiders not for the very first time dropping his job there and looking for another one, something better that wouldn’t drain him and leave him like a raisin, to the point where he’s almost unable to stay up even at weekends to be with Minah.

But he can’t give it up either, not just yet. He needs the money so that he and his daughter can live in the apartment and eat well. He would work the 24h of the day if that meant Minah was okay.

There’s a message on his phone from Hoseok by the time he gets off work, saying he and Minah have gone to the city center a little to eat lunch and some ice-cream after, too, and he could meet them there. Kihyun changes his usual road and heads to Hongdae instead, even when it’s hell to park there.

By the time he arrives, both Minah and Hoseok have already eaten and they’re waiting for him sitting on one of the benches along the main street. There’s a street-artist playing the violin, the soft, melodic sound strong enough to even cover the old lady selling her hand-made bungeo-ppang.

Minah is sleeping curled up on Hoseok’s lap, with her tiny head pressed against his chest when he gets there.

“Hey.” He says, in a quiet voice while sitting next to Hoseok, patting his thigh lightly. “She looks even more tiny like this.”

“She fell asleep right after eating.” Hoseok chuckles softly, threading his fingers through her hair. “Didn’t even make it for the bingsu.”

“I’d eat that bingsu anytime.” Kihyun scrunches his nose when his stomach growls, very audibly. “I’m starving, but I’ll take her home.”

“I’ll go with you if you don’t mind, I’m afraid she’ll wake up and be very grumpy if we put her in the car.” Hoseok purses his lips while asking, as if that semi-pout was meant to convince Kihyun.

There was no need of pouting to convince Kihyun anyways.

They walk in silence to the car, surprised at how Minah is able to be so thoroughly asleep even when the streets are crowded and everyone is talking loudly and rowdy. On the way back home, Kihyun plays his piano playlist on the radio, it being the only sound along with their breathings.

It starts drizzling half-way through the way and they end up stuck in a traffic jam. Hoseok is sitting on the passenger seat, with Minah still in between his arms, and he’s looking through the window, which is also partially down and the cool breeze messes lightly his dark hair.

Kihyun stares at him from the corner of his eyes; he stares at the way his hair ruffles with the breeze, at the way his eyes seem focused on the raindrops or maybe the gloomy sky, stares at the way his neck trembles with every beat of his heart.

Kihyun stares, the piano sounds filling up his ears and mind and everything feels like a haze.

Or it does until Hoseok turns around and tells him the traffic light is green already and that he should move before the drivers behind get off their cars and cut his throat open.

Feeling heat creeping up from his feet to his head and with his cheeks blushed like freshly picked tomatoes, Kihyun starts the car and drives them home.

Minah opens her eyes when Hoseok places her on the bed, softly opening her eyes to look around and falling back asleep when she feels the comfy pillow under her head and the darkness surrounding her.

Kihyun lifts the window blind slightly, enough for some light to enter and him to be able to see his daughter through the camera on the night-stand he uses to check on her from time to time whenever she’s sleeping and he isn’t next to her.

Hoseok is waiting at the living room when Kihyun finishes tucking Minah in bed and making sure everything is just fine, even the player in his phone to see her.

“I think I might go to the convenience store and buy me something, I’m close to fainting from hunger but I’m too lazy to cook.” He says, scratching his nape. “Do you want me to give you a ride home?”

“No, I’ll take a taxi, don’t worry. It’s better if you don’t drift apart from Minah too much, even when you have the camera.”

“True.” Kihyun swings on his heels, suddenly not knowing what to say. He’s always felt comfortable around Hoseok, but lately there’s been something tightening his stomach when it shouldn’t, and he wonders why. “Wanna go with me to the convenience store then? I’ll treat you to something too.”

“I’ve just eaten.” Hoseok laughs, following Kihyun into the corridor.

“But you’re always in the mood for food, no matter how much you eat.” Kihyun replies, closing the door after them. He turns on the player inside the lift, seeing Minah is still deep asleep.

“You…are absolutely right.”

Inside the convenience store, Kihyun razes wherever he goes; he takes kimbap, tuna mayo triangle kimbap, two spicy skewered-sausages and his favourite cheese-bulgogi burger, everything along with his favourite bottle of vitamins and peach-flavoured iced-tea.

Hoseok stares at him dumbfounded.

“No way you’re gonna eat all of that.” He says, sitting on one of the stools and dropping his jaw to the floor when Kihyun brings everything he’s bought, putting it on the table.

“Well, it’s two of us, isn’t it?” Kihyun retorts, sitting next to him and putting the burger inside the microwave, heating it up for a couple of minutes.

The first time he’d been frightened to death when he came with Minhyuk and he put the burger inside the microwave still inside the plastic bag, fearing everything would explode, but it turned out they made those plastics microwave-friendly.

Hoseok is already munching on one of the sausages by the time he finally opens the burger and sinks his teeth on it. The hot cheese and meat filling his mouth taste so good that he almost moans.

“What did you guys do today?” Kihyun asks, his mouth full of food.

Hoseok stares at him in disgust, but he does just the same.

“We went to eat fried chicken after school ended. I didn’t know Minah liked the yellow pickled radish that much, she ate the whole dish even before the chicken came and I had to even order more.”

Kihyun chuckles. His daughter has the weirdest taste, at times.

“At least it’s a vegetable.” He pinpoints, throwing the plastic bag into the nearest trash bin. “It could be worse.”

There’s some K-pop song playing in the background that Kihyun knows the rhythm to but can’t fully recognize, and hums softly while he takes small sips of his cold tea. Its sweet flavour and coldness feel like heaven to him.

He looks at his phone once again, checking Minah is still sleeping and doing alright.

Hoseok is looking at him when he locks the screen, but quickly looks away, turning his head to stare at the empty road in front of them.

The sky is tinted a cloudy pink by the time they finish eating and Hoseok proposes going for a walk. Kihyun is glad he’s taken a wool cardigan from his wardrobe before leaving, because the rain has left a chilly autumn breeze behind, making the bare skin of his arms get goosebumps.

He shivers anyways when Hoseok’s arm touches his, the wool only making the electric waves spread through his arm up to his body even faster.

Kihyun lives near Ewha Womans University, so they end up walking through the campus. Everything that was once green during summer had turned a mix of orange, red and brown, with fallen leaves crunching under their feet every step they took. It’s already dark and still lightly drizzling, so there’s barely no one outside.

“It’s nice here.” Hoseok says, rubbing his palms together, trying to warm them up.

“It’s been a while since I came here for a walk.” Kihyun lowers his gaze to the floor. “Or gone for a walk for that matter.”

“It’s understandable, though.” Hoseok looks at him from the corner of his eyes. “I do it, sometimes. It’s nice to think.”

“You’ve got a lot to think of, huh?” Kihyun asks, genuinely curious. They’ve never shared much of their lives even though they’ve spent sometime together, lately. And they’re the same age, too.

“I mean, who doesn’t? I’ve got a job that I absolutely love and the most precious cat too, and we both live in a nice apartment. I guess I’ve achieved my teenage dreams, but I’m not there. I feel like I have something missing yet.”

Kihyun wants to say he understands, but maybe he doesn’t. They’ve got something missing, or something to miss, but not in the same way.

“I thought I had my whole life figured out and solved but life is a bitch sometimes.” Kihyun laughs softly, the sound mixing with the leaves creaking under his boots.

“It is indeed.” Hoseok leans his body on a rail surrounding a small lake. Kihyun can spot small ducks’ silhouettes swimming along the calm water. “Have you ever thought of trying again?”

Kihyun licks his lips.

“I have, many times.” He interlocks his fingers, playing with his nails. “Mostly for Minah, I think it would be great if it were two of us taking care of her since I can’t be there all the time.”

“But?”

“But I don’t know. I think it’s not something you can actually get over, but more like learn how to live with it.” His fingers tremble with each word and he’s not sure whether it’s due to the cold or himself. “Some wounds close and some others need to be taken care of forever, but you go on. I’ve been able to go on because Minah is the most important person to me in the world and I want to give her as much as there’s in my reach.”

“You’re such a good father, Kihyun, I admire you a lot.” Hoseok’s eyes are sparkling when he tilts his head to look at him, still leaning on the rail. “It’s always been my dream to have kids, but since I can’t, I chose to work with them. It’s not the same but it does the trick.”

“You’re still young though, you can find your girl and have kids, too.” The words taste funny on Kihyun’s tongue and he’s not sure why. Maybe he likes having Hoseok around too much, likes how she takes care of Minah and treats her just like Kihyun. He’s a good father too, even when he’s not.

“I guess.” Hoseok shrugs. “But it most likely won’t happen.”

Kihyun’s breath hitches when their eyes meet. He suddenly feels 17 again, wearing a red, over-sized sweater and standing in front of his high-school crush when they went to the aquarium and Kihyun gathered all the courage he didn’t have and kissed her.

This time, though, he doesn’t have the courage to gather all his courage and only stands still, frozen and staring at the man in front of him, with his head filled with doubts and questions and his blood pressure skyrocketing. He’s too afraid to even blink and his stomach tightens in knots when Hoseok’s gaze drops to his lips, then up to his eyes.

He thinks he hears the splash of water as the ducks swim closer, but there’s only a buzz in his ears, as if a thousand bees were inside.

Kihyun wants to tell Hoseok to stop but he doesn’t, not even when their faces are inches away, not even when their noses touch and their lips meet.

It’s brief, a mere touch of their lips, soft and warm, but it sets off all the alarms inside Kihyun. His blood is hot inside his veins and he knows he’s flustered from head to toe. He closes his eyes and presses lightly, tilting his head so that their lips fit better, so that they’re a little closer.

It’s even a softer kiss than his first one because no one dares to move, only keeping their lips pressed against each other, but Kihyun thinks if one moved he would run and disappear into another continent.

Hoseok breaks the kiss first, still letting their noses touch. He’s breathing so hard and erratically that it looks like he’s run a marathon.

“I should get going, there’s work tomorrow.”

Kihyun shakes his head, shaking himself off from that temporary haze. He nods, accompanying Hoseok to the taxi stop and staying until the car is no more than a mere spot in the distance.

With trembling legs and sweaty palms, he changes his clothes and gets on the bed next to Minah, who keeps taking her peaceful nap, even though Kihyun knows she’ll wake up soon, asking for dinner.

He closes his eyes and tries to steady his heart-beats, but his lips still tickle and Hoseok’s scent is still lingering around and he’s unable to.

 

*****

He doesn’t know how to face Hoseok the next morning at school, but he has no other choice. Taking a few deep breaths, he steps out of the car and takes Minah inside the school, holding her hand with his.

Hoseok looks just the same as the previous days, cheerful and with his cheeks puffed as he smiles to the parents and motions for the kids to go inside. Kihyun stares at his lips instead of at his eyes when they’re face to face and he knows Hoseok has noticed that too.

“Good morning teacher-nim!” Minah says, her cute, high-pitched voice tone bringing Kihyun back to reality.

He clears his throat and greets Hoseok too, putting his right hand on his shoulder. Hoseok’s smile grows wider while he’s looking at him and Kihyun wonders if he might be getting blinder these days because of that smile.

“I don’t think I will be leaving work late today, wanna go grab some lunch after with Minah? It’s on me.” He says, leaving a short peck on Minah’s head and patting her butt lightly to make her go inside the class. She runs and joins some of her classmates half-way, and they start chatting loudly about whatever toys they have or have bought.

“I’m sorry I have to meet with the rest of the teachers afterwards today, we’re gonna discuss some school-related matters and have lunch.” Hoseok purses his lips, his lower one sticking out prominently. “But I’m free this Friday and I was thinking of taking you somewhere. Mind if I go pick you up around 7?”

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat inside his chest.

“Sure. I’ll leave Minah with my grandmother, it’s been a while too since she stayed there and she was complaining lately about not seeing Minah around much these days.”

“Perfect.” Hoseok’s face lights up and he shamelessly winks at him before heading inside the class.

Kihyun goes back to his car with a racing heart and sweaty palms, but maybe it’s not for all the wrong reasons.

He decides to overwork himself till exhaustion instead of dwelling on things as if he was a 17 years old kid and not a full adult, but thinking about how he had started feeling for Hoseok these past few days was not included on his plans.

Heck, they even kissed and Kihyun rather stare at 100 pages full of numbers and bills instead of reminiscing how Hoseok’s soft lips had felt against his.

A shiver runs down his spine at the thought, his body aching and his lips tickling.

Yeah, he definitely wasn’t going to think about it.

Or so he thinks, until he picks Minah from school and Hoseok caresses his arm lightly and offers him the best of his smiles, the one that turns his eyes into crescents and makes his nose scrunch and set a feeling behind Kihyun’s ribcage that shouldn’t be there.

He realizes he’s fucked even before Friday arrives, even before Hoseok parks in front of his house, all dolled up and looking fucking gorgeous in his black t-shirt and dark hair styled up, and even before he takes him to the local fun-fair taking place near Hoseok’s neighbourhood.

“I’ve been meaning to come here one of these days but I didn’t have anyone to come with nor the time.” Hoseok says once they’re out of the car, heading towards the boisterous place. There are tons of attractions, like a ferris wheel and roller coasters, inflatable castles and ponies. Kihyun even spots a haunted house in the middle of everything, with kids screaming while running out of it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a fun-fair before.” Kihyun squints his eyes, trying to remember one time. Maybe he did when he was a kid, but he can’t seem to recall any moment. “We totally should bring Minah here next time though, she’d love to.”

“I kinda feel bad for not telling you to bring her.” Hoseok chuckles softly, his fingers disappearing through his dark hair strands while he pushes it back. “But I wanted to spend some time with you.”

Kihyun turns around to look at the ferris wheel to hide the heat pooling in his cheeks. It’s been terribly long since he’s ever felt like this and he had pretty much assumed he never would again. Even less with a man.

Life is full of surprises and Kihyun is not sure whether he’s ready yet to find all of the answers to the questions flooding his mind, but he decides to forget all of the things he once called home and safe, decides to push them aside, take a deep breath and look at Hoseok. His eyes are sparkling while his head is thrown back as he looks at the ferris wheel and it does things to Kihyun’s heart.

Yeah, he could do that.

Hoseok takes him to the stuffed-toys stalls, alleging a hundred times that the toy is so that Kihyun can give it to Minah back at home, but Kihyun knows better than that, even more when Hoseok’s lips twitch while he tries to suppress a smile as the stall owner hands him the darts. It takes two tries for Hoseok to pop all the balloons and Kihyun rolls his eyes when he excitedly turns around and asks him to pick one of the available stuffed-toys.

With a loud, exaggerated sigh and rolling his eyes Kihyun points at the bunny plushie, knowing fully well that Hoseok knows he does look a little bit like one, and what all of that implies.

“I’m sure Minah will love it.” He says, switching the tiny, grey bunny from one hand to the other. It’s very obvious it’s cheap but it does the trick, and he carries it under his arm the rest of the night.

Kihyun isn’t even remotely surprised when Hoseok approaches one of the food stalls and orders ramyun, alleging it’s their night out at a fun-fair and junk food is allowed when Kihyun opens his mouth to complain. He ends up enjoying the ramyun more than he would admit out loud, flashes of his college years living with his two friends and overdosing on ramyun and energy drinks during finals cross his mind.

Parenting really changed him.

“Oh.” Kihyun opens his mouth after throwing the ramyun bowl into the nearest bin. He turns around to look at Hoseok with a smug smile on his face. “Since we’re skipping all the healthy rules today, there’s something I’ve always wanted to try.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him, questioningly.

“The fried doughnuts with the chocolate sauce.” Kihyun gesticulates with his hands at the same time he speaks. “I’ve seen those a lot on the TV but I’ve never been to a fun-fair before.”

Hoseok makes a face, but it’s more amused than anything else.

“You’re really gonna make me spend double hours at the gym, aren’t you.”

Kihyun blows a raspberry at him.

“Well, I’m not the one who suggested eating ramyun for dinner.”

Kihyun ends up eating a whole 5-box of fried doughnuts by himself, but he shares one with Hoseok. Everything would have been fine if it weren’t because Hoseok’s lower lip ends up stained badly with chocolate sauce and Kihyun decides it’s a good idea to use his finger to wipe it away, holding Hoseok’s chin with his fingers as his thumb makes his way all over the other’s lip.

Kihyun stays still in place when he realizes what he’s doing.

Hoseok’s body tenses up under his touch and his lower lip trembles, too. His heart is beating at unimaginable speeds and he’s unable to look up and meet Hoseok’s gaze.

Instead, he just swallows the lump on his throat and forces out a sorry that comes mildly like a cough. Hoseok is the first one to start walking and Kihyun shakes his head and quickens his pace to get at the same level as him.

A deep sigh he didn’t know he was holding leaves his throat when Hoseok moves slightly closer and rubs his fingers against Kihyun’s palm, as if to hold his hand but not fully. As if letting Kihyun know everything is alright.

Hoseok is the one that proposes going for candy floss after and Kihyun’s stomach complains in every single language, but he still takes it anyways.

“You choose.” Hoseok says, pointing at the cartel where the flavours are. Kihyun moves closer to take a better look, his body brushing against Hoseok’s.

“Peach.” He states solemnly after scanning the different flavours. If he was going to be fancy today, he would throw the whole house out the window.

 Hoseok gives him the most disappointed look ever because he doesn’t like peach flavour, but orders it nevertheless for Kihyun. With his lips twisted and nose scrunched, Hoseok takes some of the candy floss and eats it, too, making Kihyun laugh and feel all types of warm and fuzzy inside. He feels full, too, and maybe even more than just in a full-stomach way.

“Let’s go to the ferris wheel.” Kihyun suggests after walking around through the different stalls for some time more. “It’s been a while for me.”

“Oh god.” Hoseok pouts, looking like a scared puppy. “I’m terrified of heights, I was dreading you would ask me to get on it or some of the roller coasters.”

Kihyun chuckles.

“Are you sure you’re really terrified?” he asks, squinting his eyes at him and putting both hands on each side of his hips. “Or are you just like one of those teenagers that take their date to a scary movie so that they can put their arm around their shoulders?”

Hoseok looks at him with a fake wounded expression, putting his right hand on his chest.

“Excuse me, that is some terrible behaviour. Were you like this Kihyunnie?” he clicks his tongue, shaking his head as if disappointed. “But I mean it, I’m truly terrified of heights, so sorry in advance if I end up crying and curled up in a corner. I can barely even get in the cable car to go to Namsan Tower.”

“Woah.” Kihyun’s heart grows three sizes inside his chest. “I feel like I’m with Minah instead, I’m sure she’d be scared too.”

“Shut up.” Hoseok smacks his shoulder lightly. “But let’s go.”

“We’re going?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok shrugs. “You’ve already made me eat one of those fried flour things that will make me spend extra hours tomorrow in the gym and taste that candy floss made by Satan himself. A little bit of heights won’t hurt me that much.”

Kihyun feels himself smiling at his words, following the other man into the selling-tickets machine.

“The things I do for you.” Hoseok says, in such a low voice tone that it could have been easily unheard, but Kihyun did. He feels his cheeks getting all warm again.

Kihyun gasps in surprise when it turns out Hoseok is actually really scared of heights; by the time the ferris wheel lifts off his legs are trembling and he’s holding onto the seat for dear life.

Kihyun starts feeling really bad for suggesting it and, instead of sitting in front of Hoseok, he moves next to him, placing his hand on his thigh and rubbing his thumb in a reassuring manner, or so he tries.

“I really want to die whenever it goes down.” Hoseok whimpers, shutting his eyes. Kihyun moves closer and Hoseok’s scent fills up his nostrils.

Kihyun feels bad for the small chuckle that leaves his lips and Hoseok elbows him lightly, embarrassed. When he finally realizes how close they actually are, Kihyun’s stomach tightens and his palms start sweating. He can feel his neck veins pulsing as if they had become arteries.

“You should take a look outside though. It’s stopped now and the views are really, really pretty.”

Hoseok opens one eye. He checks his surrounding and slowly opens the other eye, but his hand on top of Kihyun’s on his thigh squeezes him harder.

“It’s truly really beautiful.” Hoseok nods, looking at him from the corner of his eyes. “It’s giving me the anxiety of my life, but truly beautiful.”

Kihyun can’t help but chuckle again and Hoseok elbows him slightly harder this time.

When the laughter dies, Kihyun’s breath hitches as he realizes his nose is barely a few inches away from Hoseok. When his gaze drops to his lips, slightly parted, and then up to meet his eyes again, Kihyun’s brain suffers a short-circuit.

Swallowing hard, he lifts his hand, holding Hoseok’s chin between his index and middle finger and using his thumb to caress his lower lip, just like how he had done earlier when he had finished eating the fried doughnut.

“I’m still scared.” Hoseok murmurs, his voice a mere whisper. It feels like he’s trembling under Kihyun’s touch.

“I can try to keep you distracted.” Kihyun can’t believe his own mouth has just said those words, but then he’s caressing Hoseok’s lower lip some more with his thumb and leaning closer, until the distance between them is closed.

Kihyun would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of kissing Hoseok again since that day at the park. Even when it had just been a mere brush of their mouths, his lips would still tickle all over whenever he remembered it.

However, now it wasn’t just a mere brush of their lips.

Kihyun gasps when Hoseok, very lightly, parts his lips and moves them against Kihyun’s mouth. It sets his blood on fire and he feels out of breath, so dizzy he could almost pass out.

He holds onto Hoseok tighter, his hands pressed on his thighs and his head tilted to the side. With a thumping heart, he opens his mouth too, kissing him back. They move slow, as if they have never kissed before, and Kihyun dwells on the feeling of Hoseok’s soft lips against his, as if they were made out of the purest silk.

It felt really different from kissing a woman, too, and maybe Kihyun was being so slow because he’s never kissed a man before. It was new territory for him, something he’s never thought he would ever do in his life before. His best friends, Minhyuk and Changkyun, would both sleep around with women and men alike, but Kihyun had never been interested, never attracted.

It had to come Hoseok, with his Pacific-ocean shoulders, his dark hair, his cute nose and his pretty smile that could light up entire cities, to change that.

Kihyun, once again, pushes every single doubt that threatens to pierce his mind and focuses on the man he’s got in front of him.

They kiss for some time more, until the ride ends and they’re both surprised by the doors opening, drifting apart so suddenly that Kihyun almost breaks his body in half.

They hadn’t gone any further than just mere kissing, no tongues or touches at inappropriate places, but for Kihyun it had meant the whole world. The way Hoseok had tilted his head, pressed his body closer, put both hands on his nape and later on used them to cup his cheeks. Kihyun’s heart could explode right there and then.

They get out of the cabin, both completely flustered and panting heavily and earning them some weird looks from the man controlling the fair-attraction.

Kihyun chuckles when they go back to Hoseok’s car and he feels 17 all over again. He feels relaxed, at ease and happy.

He feels alive again.

“I had fun today.” He says once Hoseok parks in front of his house. He’d ask him to come over, but neither of them is ready for going any further just yet.

“Me too.” Hoseok taps his fingers on the wheel. “I hope we can repeat soon. I mean, going out you and me.”

“Are you already tired of my daughter?” Kihyun jokes around and Hoseok pulls an offended face.

“Of course not. I love that child wholeheartedly.” He replies, unfasting his seatbelt. Kihyun’s heart skips a beat when he realizes he’s moving closer. “But if she were here then I wouldn’t be able to do this.”

Kihyun doesn’t even have time to blink before Hoseok is cupping his cheeks again and pulling him into another a kiss. This time, he parts his lips right away and Kihyun responds eagerly, parting his as well so that they can mould perfectly against each other, moving slowly but steadily.

Kihyun’s breathing is erratic again when they part and keeps being erratic even when he’s got his pyjama on and he’s tucked in bed. He tries to calm his heart and go to sleep, but his lips tickle like they haven’t done in ages and maybe he likes Hoseok a little too much.

 

*****

Noticing there’s something wrong with Hoseok’s behaviour is easy for Kihyun.

First, his smile didn’t reach his eyes that morning, and that’s something that hasn’t happened before since he met Hoseok, around two months ago.

Second, he lightly steps aside when Kihyun puts his hands on his shoulder, greeting him like he does every morning. He clenches his hand into a fist and puts it back down.

Third, he bids Kihyun farewell with a mere goodbye and nod of his head, disappearing quickly behind the doors.

It leaves Kihyun’s mouth dry and with the most bitter taste for the rest of the day, even more when there’s Sunyoung with Minah instead of Hoseok by the time he comes back from work to pick her up.

Kihyun, being his usual self, tries to ignore all the signs, tells himself Hoseok might just be busy or going through a rough week, but by the second week all the red flags are flying up high in the sky and everything just feels wrong. The way Hoseok avoids his gaze, the way he doesn’t smile genuinely anymore, the way he replies dryly to his text messages and alleges he’s just tired and not feeling well.

Kihyun doesn’t push him. He knows Hoseok is an adult too, there are some boundaries that they respect and not cross, but he’s never been good at waiting.

Not when he’s risked everything he’s ever known for him.

Not when he’s found happiness in between all the destruction again, not when his heart had finally found some peace.

But he waits.

And waits.

And another month passes, but it breaks Kihyun’s heart to pieces and when Minah asks him why teacher-nim isn’t around anymore, he feels his legs trembling.

He really has to talk to him.

One morning, before Hoseok can quickly head inside his class, Kihyun grabs his arm, tightly wrapping his fingers around his wrist. He feels Hoseok tensing up under his touch but he doesn’t let go.

“Hoseok.” He says, a lump forming on his throat. Calling him just by his name feels wrong now. “We need to talk.”

Hoseok heaves a sigh, not looking at him.

“Kihyun, I really need to go inside, I’m going to be late.” He replies, avoiding the topic.

“Let’s meet after.” Kihyun insists, still not loosening his grip on Hoseok’s wrist.

“I’m rather busy.”

Kihyun doesn’t give up easily this time.

“Please.” He tries again. “Just come with me after class finishes. I’ll ask my mother to pick Minah up from school so we can go for lunch and-”

“Look, Kihyun.” Hoseok interrupts him. “I don’t think this is right.”

Kihyun feels punched right in the face.

“Okay.” Kihyun replies, his hand trembling against Hoseok. “But I still think we should talk. Or at least I need to talk to you.”

Hoseok sighs again, in defeat.

“Let’s meet this afternoon again at the park near your house. I’ll be there around 7.”

Kihyun finally lets go of Hoseok, nodding his head.

He watches as Hoseok disappears inside the corridor before getting back to his car, where he briefly texts his mother asking if she can take care of Minah that day and heads to his workplace.

Hoseok shows up right on time by the lake where Kihyun has been waiting for a good ten minutes, trying to calm down his heart while staring at the ducks. There are some people here and there sitting on the benches or jogging, but it’s nice enough to go for a tranquil walk and talk.

He’s wearing jeans and dark-purple t-shirt with a black cardigan on top, making him look all types of soft even when his arms could bend a tree in half.

“Hey.” He says, bowing his head lightly to greet him. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, again.

Kihyun greets him back, fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

“Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?” he asks, as they needed to talk about important matters, and Hoseok nods, walking next to him.

Kihyun takes a few, deep breaths before he gathers all the courage to talk.

“Look, Hoseok.” He starts, his heart racing in his ears. “I’m sorry if I did something that might have felt wrong for you or if you don’t feel comfortable anymore. It’s okay, I get it. But you’ve drifted apart from Minah too and she misses you so much, she keeps asking why you’re not around anymore.”

Hoseok inhales abruptly and Kihyun notices how his lower lip has started to tremble.

“It’s not about that.” He says, his voice low and shaky. “I miss her a lot, too.”

“Then what is it, Hoseok?” Kihyun sighs, suddenly feeling really tired. “I’ve never meant to push you, we’re both adults and I know you have your own stuff too, but it was eating me alive. I’ve risked my whole sexual identity that I’ve been so sure of for more than 30 years for you and you suddenly decide to change your mind.”

Hoseok stops dead on his tracks.

“You don’t understand.” He says, still avoiding Kihyun’s gaze. “Do you remember that day at the fun-fair? I think someone from school must have seen us around because I had a meeting with the teachers and other staff members and everyone was asking me about you. About how I don’t have kids or a wife and how I spend my time going on a date with you. I’ve been receiving those looks and stares since I was young, and now I’m receiving them at work too. Even some parents.”

Kihyun opens his mouth to reply but the words don’t come out. He closes it again.

“I’m tired and I got scared, Kihyun. They kept saying maybe I shouldn’t be able to work with kids.” Hoseok shifts his gaze to his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kihyun finds his voice again. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t approach you earlier because I thought you might need some time. We all do, at times. Maybe I should have talked to you sooner. You can talk to me, Hoseok. You can tell me all of these”

“I know.” Hoseok nods lightly, taking another deep breath. “But it’s not that easy. Doesn’t it scare you of what they might say? Of what might they say to Minah when she grows up?”

“I am scared of anything that they might say to Minah when she grows up, because I know no matter what she will do or say, someone will appear to try to tear her down. It happens a lot and kids are cruel.” Kihyun shrugs. “The only thing I can do as a parent is let her know that she can do whatever she wants and be whoever she wants to be. That I support her no matter what.”

“But she will asks questions.”

“Have you seen how happy she is whenever you’re around? How happy she is when she’s with the both of us? She would love it if you moved in with us and brought your cat. I don’t think growing up with two fathers would be a problem to her and I surely do not want her to grow thinking that there is something wrong with that.”

“You are really such a good father.” Hoseok smiles lightly, and this time he does looks back at Kihyun. “I’m sorry I ran away. I will make sure they see that whatever I decide to do with my personal life does not interfere with my job and that I can still be the best teacher.”

“You tell them.” Kihyun laughs softly. “If not, I will go talk to the principal and give them a piece of my mind. I mean it.”

Hoseok hits his shoulder lightly and waves of relief wash through Kihyun’s body. There he is, his Hoseok again in front of him, smiley and cheerful and ready to have the world at his feet.

Kihyun wonders when was that he started falling so hard for him, but there was no point in denying it now.

“Let’s go, I’ll take you home if you want.” Kihyun grabs Hoseok’s wrist to get him going. “It’s late and you always end up paying for a taxi, I don’t want you to be a broke-ass kindergarten teacher anytime soon.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes and spends the whole way to Kihyun’s car trying to make him see that kindergarten teachers weren’t that broke, even though they were badly underrated. Kihyun agrees, a little like someone who agrees only so that the other person could shut up, but he’s got his good reasons to be like that and before Hoseok can complain he’s pushing him against the door of the car and kissing him inside the garage.

Hoseok lets out a surprised gasp, but he quickly relaxes and puts his arms around Kihyun’s neck, tilting his head to let him deepen the kiss.

Kihyun feels all the blood rushing towards his groin when he nibbles softly on Hoseok’s lower lip and he moans against the kiss, low and throaty. It makes Hoseok’s cheeks flush pink out of embarrassment but Kihyun only kisses him deeper.

He’s missed him, so much. Being apart from him these months really made him realize how important had Hoseok become to him and how much he means to him, now.

“My mother is supposed to come home with Minah in like, half an hour.” Kihyun says against Hoseok’s lips, not wanting to move away one inch. “So we can’t go up.”

“What a shame.” Hoseok pouts, sticking out his lower lip, and Kihyun seizes the chance to take it between his teeth again.

Kihyun presses his body closer against Hoseok, noticing how he’s getting hard too. His head is spinning around and his veins throbbing, feeling a type of arousal he hasn’t felt in years. As embarrassing as it might sound, he would probably come in less than two seconds after such a long sexual drought.

“We should-” Hoseok tries to say, but he’s unable to stop from kissing Kihyun again.

“Yeah, we should.”

Kihyun straddles Hoseok’s legs, sitting on his lap on the backseat of his car as he kisses him harder, his tongue tracing the line of Hoseok’s lip and shyly darting inside, being very much welcomed by Hoseok’s own. It’s hot and wet and they brush against each other every so often, while Kihyun can’t help but roll his hips against Hoseok, who is bucking his to meet him halfway.

“You’re sweating a lot.” Kihyun chuckles softly, noticing how wet Hoseok’s hair is and how it’s now stuck to his forehead and nape. There are droplets of sweat dripping down his chin too, even when his cardigan is long forgotten on the passenger seat.

“Yeah.” Hoseok gets flustered out of sudden, his cheeks and neck flushing red. “It’s your fault.”

“Is it?” Kihyun teases, playing with the hem of Hoseok’s dark-purple t-shirt with his fingers before putting his hand inside. He feels Hoseok’s terse abdomen muscles under his palm and he caresses the warm skin, so warm it almost burns his hand.

He earns the most high-pitched of the moans when he pinches Hoseok’s right nipple, out of curiosity, and gasps in surprise to such reaction. Not giving Hoseok one second to even feel embarrassed about it, he takes off his shirt and uses his mouth instead, wrapping his lips around the sensitive buds.

It has Hoseok throwing his head back and his moans filling up the car as if he was getting fucked and Kihyun feels dizzy at the sudden amount of blood that travels down to his own dick.

His breath hitches when Hoseok unzips his pants, pulling them down until they’re stuck on his knees. Kihyun does the same for him, wiggling his butt lightly when Hoseok has to lift his hips in order to take them off, but soon enough he’s back on his lap and presses their body closer.

Even through the thin fabric of their underwear, Kihyun can see how hard Hoseok is and the dampness due to his arousal. He’s never thought before he would ever say this in his life, but it makes him want to get on his knees and suck him off.

He folds Hoseok’s underwear, enough to free his dick, and he gasps at the sight; Hoseok’s dick is just as flustered and pretty as him. He does the same with his own underwear, letting it meet his pants on his knees, and this time there’s nothing between him and the man underneath him, nothing that can stop the low moan that escapes pasts his own lips when he feels Hoseok rubbing against him, thick and hot and so, so good.

“Come closer.” Hoseok asks, out of breath. His hands are on Kihyun’s lower back as he presses him down on him, pressing their hard-ons impossibly closer, giving them the friction they so much need.

Kihyun shuts his eyes and hides his face on the curvature of Hoseok’s neck, biting down the skin to prevent his own moans as he feels warmth pooling on his belly, making his stomach tighten in knots and his mind become blank. With a choked moan, he comes against Hoseok, who holds both of their dicks pressed together with one hand and follows him no long after, moaning Kihyun’s name against his ear.

With shaky breathings and trembling limbs, Kihyun sits up straight on top of Hoseok and kisses him, slowly and soft. They haven’t done much but he feels completely worn out, the orgasm still washing through him.

“It’s been so long since I’ve done something like this.” Kihyun says, against his lips.

“You’ve rubbed dicks against someone on the back seat of your car?” Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him, amused.

“Shut up.” Kihyun elbows him lightly. “You know what I mean.”

“I know.” Hoseok gives him another peck. “But you should take my shirt instead if you’re planning on meeting your mom and Minah after dropping me at home.”

Kihyun looks down to see his shirt is completely stained with both of their cums and he groans audibly, which only makes Hoseok laugh some more.

Kihyun’s heart feels about to explode when Hoseok pecks him before they change their shirts and he walks inside his apartment, covering Kihyun’s stained shirt with his cardigan and praying there would be no nosy neighbours in the lift.

Kihyun gets asked by his mom if he’s into over-sized clothes now back at home, but he shakes his head and smiles to himself.

If only his mother knew.

 

*****

 Hoseok asks him the most abrupt, unexpected question a few weeks later, sitting on his couch and while Minah is inside her bedroom gathering new toys to bring to the living room to play with Hoseok and while Kihyun sweeps the floor.

“Are you with me so that Minah can have another parental figure or do you really like me?”

The broom slides off Kihyun’s fingers and he quickly bends down to pick it up. With a shocked expression on his face, he turns around to look at Hoseok, whose gaze is fixed on the floor and his fingers are interlocked, fidgeting.

“What?” he asks, out of disbelief. He can’t believe Hoseok is asking him that question now, after spending so much time together that Hoseok basically lived with them now (which had Minah beaming and being the happiest child ever, because her favourite teacher who sometimes bought her candies behind Kihyun’s back was now almost always with her).

“I don’t know.” Hoseok squirms on his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “I am really happy that we are together, but I can’t help but have these doubts. You said sometimes you wish you could give Minah another parent and it makes me wonder whether you just want me because of that.”

“You are so stupid.” Kihyun leaves the broom against the wall, taking a seat next to Hoseok on the couch. He places his hand on Hoseok’s thigh and his heart breaks a little when their eyes meet and he sees that Hoseok’s concern is real, that these doubts are really eating him out. “So, so stupid.” He caresses Hoseok’s thigh, trying to reassure him. “Has it ever occurred to you that if I just wanted to give Minah another parent I would have done it a while ago and with a woman? Do you think I would have risked everything that has been ‘’normal’’ for me all these years and would have gone through a whole sexuality crisis just because of that?”

“I-”

“I know.” Kihyun holds his chin tightly, forcing him to look at him. “I know you have these doubts, I really understand, but please don’t. I am really not one to believe in forevers because life has taught me otherwise the hard way, but I know I love spending my days with you and sharing everything I do or think with you.”

“I do, too.” Hoseok pouts lightly and Kihyun decides it’s a good chance to kiss him.

“Good.” Kihyun sees a figure moving from the corner of his eyes and spots Minah trying to drag a big plastic box full of dolls into the living room.

With a soft laugh, he gets up from the couch and walks up to her, picking up the box and helping her bring it to the middle of the room.

“For someone so tiny you are really strong.” Kihyun pats Minah’s head and helps her open the box, too.

“I’m not tiny! I’m taller than the girls in my class.”

Hoseok joins them and sits on the floor, too. Minah smiles from ear to ear while showing him her favourite dolls and toys, telling every name she’s given to them and what they are.

“You could move here if you want. And bring your cat.” Kihyun says, out of sudden, making Hoseok look up to him so quickly that he almost dislocates his neck. “I mean, if you want.”

Hoseok’s smile makes Kihyun’s heart skyrocket into the universe.

“I’d love to.”

“Or we could move to your apartment, but one is easier than two.” Kihyun shrugs. “I hope eventually we buy our own house too.”

“That sounds great.” Hoseok’s cheeks are lightly pink and it takes all of Kihyun’s willpower not to kiss him right there and then. “Sana is going to be suspicious and lurk around a lot the first days, but she already knows Minah and will love having more than one person spoiling her.”

“We have to be good parents and spoil our kids a lot.” Kihyun tickles Hoseok’s socked feet with his. “But not a lot a lot.”

“I get it.” Hoseok throws his arms into the air as if defeated. “No extra ramyun in this household.”

“Good boy.”

 

Kihyun lets out a surprised gasp when Hoseok’s arms encircle his waist as he’s sautéing the vegetables he’s cut before for dinner. He relaxes right after into the other man’s embrace and tilts his head slightly to the side to let him rest his head on his shoulder, pressing his lips against Kihyun’s neck to leave soft kisses.

When the vegetables are ready, Kihyun turns off the fire, but he doesn’t move. Instead, he lets Hoseok’s hands roam inside his baggy t-shirt and brush over his dick, making his knees go weak and almost give in.

He turns around to kiss Hoseok, pushing him against the fridge and shamelessly letting his hand get lost inside his shirt as well, knowing fully well what sounds Hoseok will make if he pinches his nipples, so he does, swallowing the moans with his own mouth so that Minah wouldn’t hear them.

Kihyun moves to the other side of the kitchen as if he’s just been burned when he hears tiny steps along the corridor, using both hands to support himself on the counter to steady his breathing.

“Dad!” Minah appears seconds after inside the kitchen, her short hair moving in waves from side to side. “I’m hungry!”

Kihyun takes a deep breath and tries to smile, even though he knows his lips are swollen and red and he looks like a mess. Thankfully enough, his daughter is too young to notice any of that.

“Dinner is almost ready, Minnie. Just give me one second to add soy sauce and it’s all yours!”

“Yay!” she screams happily, running towards the living room to probably sit on her chair and wait while watching cartoons on the TV.

“I fucking hate you.” Kihyun sends a dead stare towards Hoseok’s direction, even when he knows fully well the blame is on both of them and Hoseok looks just as wrecked as him.

“Me too.” Hoseok replies, moving dangerously close to Kihyun. Their groins brush lightly when Hoseok stretches his arm to pick the plate behind Kihyun’s back and they both moan. “Let’s have dinner.”

Kihyun nods, agreeing, even though he feels like a teenager in heat instead of a fully-grown adult with his own apartment and a daughter.

The things Hoseok does to him.

By the time Hoseok is already inside the taxi going back home so that Sana wouldn’t spend the night alone and because they both work the next day and there’s Minah too, Kihyun has already texted his mother asking if she could take care of his daughter on Saturday because he was going to meet with his childhood friends.

Sometimes lies are necessary for a greater good.

 

*****

“Where’s Minah?”

Hoseok narrows his eyes while looking around when he steps inside the apartment and there’s no tiny demon trying to jump into his arms. Kihyun has to rummage through himself to push the words out because he’s so nervous he can barely voice out a word.

Heck, he wasn’t even that nervous his first time (he might have drunk one or two glasses of very cheap vodka back then too, but that’s a story for another time).

“She’s with my mother.” Kihyun replies, closing the door after him. “I left her there this morning.”

“Oh?” Hoseok turns around to look at him. “So we’re alone?”

“Yeah.”

Realization seems to wash over Hoseok as his mouth turns into a perfectly shaped ‘o’ and his cheeks turn lightly pink.

Before things can turn more awkward as they stare at each other, Kihyun decides to jump headfirst and with steady steps walks up to Hoseok, grabs him by the collar of his cardigan and pulls him into a kiss.

Hoseok gasps into the kiss, surprised, and he stumbles backwards, falling on the couch and with Kihyun following him on top.

They kiss for a while longer; Kihyun takes his sweet time abusing Hoseok’s lips just like how he wants to do every time he sees him, takes his sweet time to brush their tongues together, nibble his lower lip and use both of his hands to pinch his nipples through his shirt.

“Let me take it off.” Hoseok says, lifting his torso to be able to take off the cardigan and his shirt, dropping them both to the floor.

Kihyun takes off his, too, and leans back to kiss Hoseok again, both of their chests pressed together and their clothed groins rubbing through their pants.

“I have the stuff at the bedroom.” Kihyun says, holding Hoseok’s hand. “Let’s go there.”

Hoseok chuckles softly.

“I see someone had everything prepared.”

Kihyun lets Hoseok kiss him against the doorframe and then push him onto the mattress, getting on top of him.

“I want to do this.” Kihyun cups both of Hoseok’s cheeks. “Do you?”

“I do.” Hoseok lowers his head to peck both of his cheeks. “But do you for real? This must be your first time like this.”

“It is.” Kihyun admits. He’s never even kissed a man before Hoseok, much less doing something like this. But god, does he want Hoseok. “I want you so much.”

“Good.” Hoseok smiles, cheekily. “Because I want you so much, too.”

Kihyun uses all of his strength to push Hoseok down on the mattress instead and takes out a bottle of lube and a condom out of his night-stand, placing them both on the bed, next to the other man.

Hoseok’s mouth is parted and he’s breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling with each pant and Kihyun can see the outline of his hard dick through his sweatpants, which goes straight to his own.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” Kihyun says, shamelessly. He’s got nothing to be shy about now, not with what he’s about to do.

“Are you trying to woo me, Mr. Yoo?” Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him and Kihyun slaps his thigh before opening the zip of his jeans and pulling them down to his ankles, letting Hoseok take care of the rest.

“I’ve thought you were fucking gorgeous since the very first day I saw you at school.” Kihyun admits and his voice almost breaks at his last words when Hoseok is fully naked, lying on the bed and with his legs spread for him. Christ, he truly must have died and go to Heaven.

“I thought you were pretty cute too.” Hoseok replies, but his pupils have dilated and his eyes shut, anticipating the coldness that is about to be pour over his entrance.

However, there’s a loud moan that he lets out when it’s Kihyun’s tongue the one that meets his hole instead of the sticky substance and he closes his legs so fast that he almost crushes Kihyun’s head with his thighs.

He’d take that very gladly but, instead, he spreads Hoseok’s legs further with his hands and keeps moving his tongue in circles along the rim of muscles, even daring to go further and try to push inside the tip.

“Fuck, Ki-” Hoseok lifts his hips towards Kihyun’s face, trying to get more of him. He opens the lube then, pouring an excessive amount over Hoseok’s hole and on his fingers, making sure everything is wet and slick enough.

He teases Hoseok’s entrance with his index, slightly surprised at how easily it goes in with all the lube and tentatively pushes in and out, moving it inside in circles to easen the muscles there. Hoseok lets out a low whine when Kihyun pushes inside the second, scissoring and thrusting into him slowly, making sure he’s not hurt and prepared enough for what would come next.

For the third finger, Kihyun decides to give Hoseok’s mind something else to get focused on and gives him head, too. Using his other hand to lift his hard, throbbing cock from his stomach, Kihyun parts his lips and wraps them around the flushed pink tip, tasting the heavy precum on his tongue. It’s bitter and makes him scrunch his nose lightly, but he takes more inside his mouth at the same time his three fingers thrust into Hoseok.

By the time the tip of Hoseok’s hard-on has hit the back of his throat a couple of times, Kihyun has four fingers stretching Hoseok’s entrance and the man underneath him is almost crying out of pleasure, asking Kihyun to stop or he would come right there and then.

When Kihyun is sure Hoseok is well prepared, he takes off his own pants, threatening to burst open from how hard he is, and he rolls on the condom, pouring even more lube on the already slick rubber.

“Come here.” Kihyun says, grabbing Hoseok by the hips and pulling him closer, until he’s placed between his legs. “Tell me if it hurts.”

“Just fuck me for god’s sake.” Hoseok spurts out, obviously very much aroused and neglected from his previous orgasm, his whole body aching to feel Kihyun against him.

Kihyun chuckles softly, aligning his cock against Hoseok’s entrance and slowly pushing in, until the rim gives in and sucks it inside, allowing the rest to slide inside easily afterwards.

Kihyun’s breath halts when he’s completely inside Hoseok, feeling a warmth and tightness around him that is enough to make a throaty moan escape past his lips and hot fire pool inside his belly.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Kihyun moans, closing his eyes and trying to suck some air, feeling dizzy. “I don’t think I will last much.”

“I’m so close too.” Hoseok says, placing both of his arms around Kihyun’s neck to pull him closer and be able to kiss him. “Move.”

Kihyun does. Slowly, he pulls his cock out of Hoseok, only to push inside right after.

He repeats the same motion a couple of times, making sure it doesn’t hurt for Hoseok, but when all he hears is Hoseok crying softly out of pleasure, he doesn’t contain himself anymore and starts thrusting faster, harder, slamming his hips against Hoseok’s body.

It makes his limbs tremble and the blood through his veins feel like fire through gasoline, and when Hoseok moans his name out loud and comes untouched against his own tummy, Kihyun closes his eyes and lets the explosion take place inside his stomach, washing over him like a torrential and letting him out of breath as he comes inside Hoseok.

Shakily and dizzy, he pulls out his now soft dick and falls on top of Hoseok, completely exhausted.

“Fuck.” Hoseok is the first one to talk, threading his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. “That was so good, it’s been a while for me.”

“Me too.” Kihyun says, leaving a trail of kisses along Hoseok’s neck. He moves his body lightly to be able to reach his neck better, but it leads to their dicks brushing and Kihyun feels himself getting hot all over again.

“You’re getting hard again.” Hoseok points out, as if it wasn’t the most obvious thing.

“So are you.” Kihyun tries to defend himself, pouting. “I’ve been wanting you for a while already and now that we finally have space and time, I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

“Up for a second round?” Hoseok asks, his hands on Kihyun’s asscheeks, massaging them.

“I am literally up, so yes.” Kihyun replies, handing the long-forgotten lube to Hoseok. “Prep me.”

Hoseok takes as much time preparing Kihyun as he had done before, if not even more. He takes his sweet time using his fingers to stretch Kihyun’s entrance as much as he can, pepping kisses all over Kihyun’s torso and thighs to keep his mind occupied, even taking his now back-to-hard dick inside his mouth, long enough to have Kihyun’s toes curling but not enough to bring him close to the edge, making sure he would be sensitive but not to the point where it hurt.

Kihyun moans when Hoseok’s lips on his thigh apply more pressure than they usually would and he sucks on his skin, leaving a noticeable purple mark close to his crotch.

“I hate you.” Kihyun says, closing his eyes when he feels Hoseok pressing against his hole. He takes a deep breath and clutches the sheets tightly.

“You don’t.” Hoseok gives him a short peck on the lip, keeping his face close enough to Kihyun so that their noses can touch. “You love me.”

“That I do.” Kihyun admits, out loud. There’s no point in denying he does love Hoseok, and quite a lot.

Hoseok seems rather surprised at that, but the biggest smile appears on his face as he says I love you too, making Kihyun’s heart do all type of flips inside his chest.

“I’m going in, tell me if it hurts.”

“Okay.” Kihyun stops breathing when he feels Hoseok’s cock against his entrance, pushing softly but strongly enough so that it can go inside.

It burns lightly, but it’s more than bearable and it surprises Kihyun at how easily it goes inside and how the sensation is more uncomfortable than anything else.

Hoseok pecks him again once he’s fully inside and Kihyun motions for him to keep moving.

It feels funny at first, but then Hoseok hits a certain spot inside of him and the pleasure is so sudden and good that he probably lets out the most embarrassing, high-pitched moan of his life, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it because Hoseok keeps rolling his hips and thrusting inside him, and the pleasure builds up in his tummy too fast, so fast that Kihyun barely strokes himself a couple of times before he reaches his climax, moaning Hoseok’s name through his orgasm and dragging him to his own right after.

A few minutes later, after cuddling and fighting about who is the little spoon, Kihyun finds himself pushing Hoseok down on the mattress and thrusting into him again, giving them their third orgasm of the day.

By the fifth, the neighbours knock on the walls and yell at them to ‘’kindly shut the fuck up’’ or to ‘’stop moaning Kihyun’s name so loud’’ and Kihyun thinks he really needs to move into another apartment because he won’t be able to look at his neighbours in the face anymore.

 

Hoseok finally moves in with Sana to Kihyun’s and Minah’s apartment a couple of weeks later, having to use both of their cars and a couple of rides to bring all his stuff, but Minah is the happiest Kihyun has ever seen her when she’s told they’re going to live with Hoseok and her cat now, and that they might adopt a puppy too, and Kihyun thinks he’s made all the right choices.

“Won’t your mother get suspicious when she realizes I live here now, too?” Hoseok asks, while unpacking some of his stuff.

“Most likely.” Kihyun replies, helping him unpack as well. “She probably will be shocked and maybe even angry, but I’m sure she will realize, eventually. She will see how happy Minah is and how happy I am, too. And after all, isn’t that the most important? We are a family now and we have the rests of our lives ahead, and I might have thought I’d spend my life with someone else at some point, but now I do with you. Only you. And I love you.”

“I love you too.” Hoseok replies, cupping his cheeks to kiss him.

Kihyun turns around to look at Minah and the sparkle in her eyes when she plays with Sana and excitedly walks to Hoseok to tell him whatever thing the cat had done is enough to put his heart at ease. No matter how hard it seemed or harsh it sounded, he and Minah deserved a second chance too.

He remembers then, while opening his night-stand to let Hoseok save some of his clothes inside, the drawing Minah had done long ago during her first day of kindergarten, putting him, Hoseok and her holding hands like a family. He chuckles softly while unfolding it and leaving it on the mattress, next to Hoseok’s clothes.

“We need to frame it and put it in the living room.” He says, when Hoseok gives him a questioningly look. “It’s our first family portrait.”

Life is a bitch sometimes, but you can’t get stuck. Over time, you learn how to move on, how to keep going. Some wounds don’t heal. Some do. But you learn how to love again, and Kihyun surely has.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it❤️❤️


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